Unless, said terrorists are a one and three-year-old toddlers that you spent 9 months nurturing in your womb, several hours in labor, and cared for them for years, then the playing field changes a little. As I sit and ponder this famous phrase, that I'm sure some very important person (of which google couldn't tell me) quoted, it makes me think of my college days. I attended Temple University's Fox School of Business and took a few classes on negotiating, and never, ever did I imagine I'd be using these skills on my little terrors...I mean toddlers. I thought I'd be negotiating contracts and business deals, not dinner menus and bedtimes. Sometimes I feel like a doormat, pushover, sucker, wimp... shall I go on...?
Now, what do you do when you are in the grocery store and one child is knocking everything off the shelf and the other keeps standing in the shopping cart? I mean, God forbid we have another flip out of the cart incident. Any attempts to stop them results in a fit of tears. Well, I don't know how many other moms have been in the store and both of your children are screaming as if you're a kidnapper, you are only halfway through your shopping list AND you have to pee. Sweat starts forming on your forehand, you're doing the "I have to pee" shuffle and very calmly tell your boys, "now crying isn't going to solve anything." Well, the crying gets LOuder and now limbs start flinging and then no!!!!!... not the body stretch... oh yes, it's about to happen... a full bLOwn falLOut. Every parent’s worst nightmare is their child putting on a real show, spread out in a full on fit in the middle of the grocery store. Nothing says out of control children like a tantrum. Before you know it you're bent over, whispering in your most firm "I mean business" voice through clenched teeth, "IF YOU DO NOT GET UP..." I'll let you finish the rest. And when that still doesn't work, because nine times out of ten it won't, you remember that there is a time when negotiating with terrorists is necessary. On the surface I appear cool, calm, and collected, but on the inside I'm begging and pleading with God to please make them stop and thinking "how in the hell am I going to pee with two boys and a shopping cart!"
All jokes aside I LOve my children more than anything in the world and they are so much fun. But, let’s be real, toddlers are some of the most well-known little terrors that exist. They can breakdown the most hardcore stern parents causing them to swalLOw the largest humble pill they ever laid eyes on. So, let me just share my 5 Techniques to Negotiating with Toddlers.
1. REDIRECTION
They ask for candy, I say, "We'll get a snack when we get home."
They ask for chips, I say, "Can you help mommy pick out some apples?”
Negotiation doesn’t start until someone says “No”. It's like your children have a built-in mechanism that causes them to cry on demand when they hear the word NO. So, I try to avoid it whenever possible and use the art of redirection.
2. Establish Your Goal
My ultimate goal with my children is to create learning opportunities and have fun. Whenever I am in the store with my boys I enlist their help or talk to them about what we see. "Joe Joe can you help mommy pick three green limes?" Now this can be time consuming, more about this when we get to number five, but boy does it make the shopping experience much more pleasurable for both you and your children.
3. Focus On Interest & Not Position
We don't always have to flex our power or authority. Many times I give Joe Joe instructions and it’s almost always folLOwed up with, "why?" Now, you think the easy response would be, "because I said so" or "I'm the parent". But, I have learned that it actually just leads to more whys. Nothing is more annoying than a toddlers and his whys. So, I'm learning to focus on what's in the best interest of my children. Instead of saying, "because I said so" I actually explain to them why.
"Joe Joe mommy wants you to stop jumping off the table because you could bust your head open, then we'll have to rush you to the hospital where we'll end up spending half the night, and I really can't handle that right now." Too much... Well, you get the point. Teach them the consequences of their actions.
4. Keep Your Cool
I'm still trying to figure out if it brings my children joy to see me get frustrated. Just a little hunch that I have. Well, I'm not going to give them the satisfaction. I'm going to remain as cool as a cucumber. If I'm frazzled and frustrated they'll never know. Plus, when you're calm it makes you think a little more rationally and I am a firm believer that your children feed off your energy.
5. There's No Rush
One of my biggest challenges in life is time management. I'm always rushing even when I'm not late, because I'm so use to being late. I'm in a constant state of what's next instead of living in the moment. Sometimes, we need to take a minute to pause and enjoy the time we spend with our children, giving them the attention they need. I believe that my children would act out less if I planned my time properly and we used our outings as opportunities for fun and learning.
Now, just to give you different perspectives, beLOw are two articles. One encourages negotiating with your children, while the other discourages it. Read them both and take from them what works for you.
I'm not saying to give-in to their every desire. I'm actually not telling you to do anything. Remember I'm no expert. But, I do not want you to feel bad if sometimes you find yourself negotiating with your children.
Even the best of us at some point find ourselves Negotiating with Terrorists... I mean Toddlers.
